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Dannayy
wanderers-of-ravine
ConceptWorld
montyoum
NEIGHBORSTUDIOS
NyasiaEsylvester
sigeel
nebezial
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Stjepan-Sejic
Umad-Mazinbro
Dannayy
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MyRobotDreams
captainosaka
NeonDesigner
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Artist // Hobbyist // Other
- United States
- Deviant for 13 years
- He / Him
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My Bio
Hey, how's it going?
Favourite Movies
Casablanca, Apocalypse Now, The Empire Strikes Back
Favourite TV Shows
Firefly, Burn Notice
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Led Zeppelin
Favourite Games
MGS 4, Valkyria Chronicles, Mass Effect
Favourite Gaming Platform
PC
Tools of the Trade
Computer, Tablet,
Other Interests
Music, film, 3d animation
Remus Kickstarter
0 min read
I have a kickstarter now! I know nobody reads this, but if you somehow do, I could really use the cash to help keep Remus running smoothly. http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/769030947/remus?ref=live
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On Modern Art
0 min read
Those of you who follow ~Dannayy (https://www.deviantart.com/dannayy) may have noticed his extremely well-done piece about the nature of art. As it happens, I was in the class that it was assigned for with him, so I thought I'd post my own very different response to the prompt.
Art is dead. Its corpse lies bloody, broken, on the floor of a room filled with pretension and argument, with a knife through its chest. Written in blood on the walls are the names of those it accused of its murder with its dying breath. Film. Music. Television. But the hand clutching the knife is the corpse's own. These new mediums have carried on, thrived, not because they do what visual a
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Thoughts on meeting deadlines
0 min read
Goddammit this is hard.
R.I.P. my buffer. There's a plot reserved next to you for my sanity.
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Profile Comments 7
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welcome back to dA! : P
The Captain said I should E-high five you, but something that epic deserves a brofist. Sadly, I can't find a good emote or plz account. So yeah *brofist*
Do you accept critique for your comic?
Absolutely! Fire away, just try to keep it constructive. I've already had someone tell me "I think you should die" due to the content of the first page, so anything other than that would be nice.
Alrighty then.
The premise is flawed. Acts of terrorism are committed by fringe groups, as opposed to a singular pilot. Even in the case of one pilot snapping and trying to crash the plane, there would be a co-pilot that would stop him.
There is no build-up to any of this. If it really was the pilot who did it, how did he get hired by one of the most hi-security industries in transportation? They typically should do background checks on these people.
Secondly, the suspension of disbelief is completely shattered when the coverage shows congress approving the 28th amendment: an amendment that effectively nullifies the constitution; the same constitution that the 28th amendment is a part of.
If the president wanted to limit our freedoms, he would either nullify the Bill of Rights, use an executive order or support a federal law. An amendment designed to nullify the constitution is essentially recursive bullshit that no state representative would pass.
And then the prologue ends with a guy named Seth stabbing "partisans" for reasons unknown. Skip 17 years later and some "cold mercenary" type is stalking Ryan Davidson, your assumed main character.
The dialogue is very stilted and forced. Why would the driver call the the mercenary by his first name? Nobody makes that mistake on a mission, especially if they were (and I'm making an assumption here) secret government "Grab team" agents.
So they pursue Mr. Davidson and the man with the earpiece suddenly gets a call from mister FBI Homeland Security head honcho asking if they have acquired the target yet. Marcus asks for permission even though they were already assigned. He asks he if Marcus "understands the full magnitude of [his] responsibility" as if the veteran operative was still in grade school. This, by the way, is seconds before they approach the target.
Then the scene shifts to a couple of guys discussing whether a guy was taken by the grab team. The hipster with the goatie is being insulted by the guy on the phone even though there's no build-up as to why and feels unprofessional for an information exchange. Also, the speech balloons are only barely distinguishable from each other.
These two characters are dropped for a very confusing first person segue into unconsciousness. Davidson then wakes up with a buttload of cuts to the back despite the fact that Marcus had a gun in the last panel that we saw him.
Finally, it ends with a bunch of unlikable 20-somethings spewing cliches at each other and mention that they let this very dangerous looking stranger into their headquarters. All of this with the implication that it's a month later despite the passing of 17 years being explicitly mentioned. What's another month?
Though this took me and my roommate a minute to read, it took us an hour and a half to figure out the plot. What we think happened is that Davidson was taken by the grab team, tortured for a month and stumbled over to the resistance that he was possibly selling weapons to.
If this isn't the plot, then we give up. You shouldn't force the reader to try and make heads or tales of what's going on.
And on top of all of this, the art ranges from mediocre to atrocious. There is no consistency in the anatomy, and perspective is very questionable. On page 8 for example, the woman's arms look atrophied in one panel, and the necks and facial features of the characters are never quite the same. There also is very little use of values, making each figure look flat.
On the plus side, the paneling is competent and the coloring is vibrant.
The premise is flawed. Acts of terrorism are committed by fringe groups, as opposed to a singular pilot. Even in the case of one pilot snapping and trying to crash the plane, there would be a co-pilot that would stop him.
There is no build-up to any of this. If it really was the pilot who did it, how did he get hired by one of the most hi-security industries in transportation? They typically should do background checks on these people.
Secondly, the suspension of disbelief is completely shattered when the coverage shows congress approving the 28th amendment: an amendment that effectively nullifies the constitution; the same constitution that the 28th amendment is a part of.
If the president wanted to limit our freedoms, he would either nullify the Bill of Rights, use an executive order or support a federal law. An amendment designed to nullify the constitution is essentially recursive bullshit that no state representative would pass.
And then the prologue ends with a guy named Seth stabbing "partisans" for reasons unknown. Skip 17 years later and some "cold mercenary" type is stalking Ryan Davidson, your assumed main character.
The dialogue is very stilted and forced. Why would the driver call the the mercenary by his first name? Nobody makes that mistake on a mission, especially if they were (and I'm making an assumption here) secret government "Grab team" agents.
So they pursue Mr. Davidson and the man with the earpiece suddenly gets a call from mister FBI Homeland Security head honcho asking if they have acquired the target yet. Marcus asks for permission even though they were already assigned. He asks he if Marcus "understands the full magnitude of [his] responsibility" as if the veteran operative was still in grade school. This, by the way, is seconds before they approach the target.
Then the scene shifts to a couple of guys discussing whether a guy was taken by the grab team. The hipster with the goatie is being insulted by the guy on the phone even though there's no build-up as to why and feels unprofessional for an information exchange. Also, the speech balloons are only barely distinguishable from each other.
These two characters are dropped for a very confusing first person segue into unconsciousness. Davidson then wakes up with a buttload of cuts to the back despite the fact that Marcus had a gun in the last panel that we saw him.
Finally, it ends with a bunch of unlikable 20-somethings spewing cliches at each other and mention that they let this very dangerous looking stranger into their headquarters. All of this with the implication that it's a month later despite the passing of 17 years being explicitly mentioned. What's another month?
Though this took me and my roommate a minute to read, it took us an hour and a half to figure out the plot. What we think happened is that Davidson was taken by the grab team, tortured for a month and stumbled over to the resistance that he was possibly selling weapons to.
If this isn't the plot, then we give up. You shouldn't force the reader to try and make heads or tales of what's going on.
And on top of all of this, the art ranges from mediocre to atrocious. There is no consistency in the anatomy, and perspective is very questionable. On page 8 for example, the woman's arms look atrophied in one panel, and the necks and facial features of the characters are never quite the same. There also is very little use of values, making each figure look flat.
On the plus side, the paneling is competent and the coloring is vibrant.
That is pretty much exactly the plot, actually. I'm fully willing to agree that the art is horrible - this comic is quite literally the first thing I have ever drawn outside of grade school art classes, so I've got quite a lot of improving to do. Also, please bear in mind that I hadn't really meant to start promoting the comic until I had around 35 pages up, and that what you're seeing is a very incomplete picture.
Re: specifics: The intent behind showing the judge murdered in panel 5 of the second page was to imply at least some level of coercion involved in the ratification. I know that an amendment to nullify the constitution is recursive bullshit and a terrible, terrible idea. That's actually a mistake that I'm going to fix right now - the current revision of the script actually does have the Bill of Rights instead of the entire Constitution being revoked, and I must have accidentally been lettering from an older version. Thanks for catching that.
Marcus and Gus are CIA, something that will be clarified in roughly 5 weeks. Gus is supposed to be a rookie, which I should have made clearer.
There is a plot relevant reason why the voice over the phone would ask that, which I'm not at liberty to divulge.
Bill insulting Jason, in those exact words, in response to the request for verification IS the verification, but the conversation was supposed to be somewhat cryptic and I'm fully aware the audience has no way of knowing that.
Finally, Bill is supposed to be in his mid-30's, so any tips on aging him up slightly would be appreciated.
Thanks for the read. I appreciate the time you took to write out the response, and am going to work on fixing a few of the things you brought up in the future. Thanks again for bringing my attention to the mistake on page 2. I'd appreciate it if you gave me a few weeks to expand the story and flesh out the characters a bit more, but if you think it's bad enough that you can't stand to read even one more page of it, that's fine too.
Re: specifics: The intent behind showing the judge murdered in panel 5 of the second page was to imply at least some level of coercion involved in the ratification. I know that an amendment to nullify the constitution is recursive bullshit and a terrible, terrible idea. That's actually a mistake that I'm going to fix right now - the current revision of the script actually does have the Bill of Rights instead of the entire Constitution being revoked, and I must have accidentally been lettering from an older version. Thanks for catching that.
Marcus and Gus are CIA, something that will be clarified in roughly 5 weeks. Gus is supposed to be a rookie, which I should have made clearer.
There is a plot relevant reason why the voice over the phone would ask that, which I'm not at liberty to divulge.
Bill insulting Jason, in those exact words, in response to the request for verification IS the verification, but the conversation was supposed to be somewhat cryptic and I'm fully aware the audience has no way of knowing that.
Finally, Bill is supposed to be in his mid-30's, so any tips on aging him up slightly would be appreciated.
Thanks for the read. I appreciate the time you took to write out the response, and am going to work on fixing a few of the things you brought up in the future. Thanks again for bringing my attention to the mistake on page 2. I'd appreciate it if you gave me a few weeks to expand the story and flesh out the characters a bit more, but if you think it's bad enough that you can't stand to read even one more page of it, that's fine too.
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