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About Other / Hobbyist FrustratedRockaMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 6 Years
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Statistics 23 Deviations 71 Comments 2,988 Pageviews
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I was bored by FrustratedRocka I was bored :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 0 Hope Rides Alone - The Motion Picture by FrustratedRocka Hope Rides Alone - The Motion Picture :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 3 0 The Villain by FrustratedRocka The Villain :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 2 8 Ryan Davidson by FrustratedRocka Ryan Davidson :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 0 Ryan In Costume - Colored by FrustratedRocka Ryan In Costume - Colored :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 1 Remus Page 1 Inks by FrustratedRocka Remus Page 1 Inks :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 1 Remus Page 1 Final Pencils by FrustratedRocka Remus Page 1 Final Pencils :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 1 1 Tawnn E-comics Logo by FrustratedRocka Tawnn E-comics Logo :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 1 Page 1 v3 Lettered by FrustratedRocka Page 1 v3 Lettered :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 0 First attempt at inking.  Ever by FrustratedRocka First attempt at inking. Ever :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 1 Ryan In Costume by FrustratedRocka Ryan In Costume :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 0 Ryan Concept Sketches by FrustratedRocka Ryan Concept Sketches :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 0 Remus Page 1 Pencils 3rd Draft by FrustratedRocka Remus Page 1 Pencils 3rd Draft :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 0 Remus Page 1 Draft Lettered by FrustratedRocka Remus Page 1 Draft Lettered :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 1 1 Remus Page One Draft by FrustratedRocka Remus Page One Draft :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 0 First draft of Remus: Page 1 by FrustratedRocka First draft of Remus: Page 1 :iconfrustratedrocka:FrustratedRocka 0 0

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some tshirt prints for y'all by shiniez
Mature content
some tshirt prints for y'all :iconshiniez:shiniez 651 57
Cyborg zeta by Kailyze Cyborg zeta :iconkailyze:Kailyze 349 8 .Mecha_Sketch by MadiBlitz .Mecha_Sketch :iconmadiblitz:MadiBlitz 114 16 Mind-share by Kailyze Mind-share :iconkailyze:Kailyze 769 14 The Keeper and the Soldier Contact by anireal The Keeper and the Soldier Contact :iconanireal:anireal 320 24 THE FIGHT OF PROH TOH MAYUN by Oniika THE FIGHT OF PROH TOH MAYUN :icononiika:Oniika 634 124 Goss's Castle by Dannayy Goss's Castle :icondannayy:Dannayy 6 3 here comes the arm by kinnikufan here comes the arm :iconkinnikufan:kinnikufan 117 13 quijote by StefTastan quijote :iconsteftastan:StefTastan 52 5 The day the Iraq war started by humon The day the Iraq war started :iconhumon:humon 5,687 1,094 Lucidity by Dannayy Lucidity :icondannayy:Dannayy 15 13 demon by chevsy demon :iconchevsy:chevsy 611 15

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FrustratedRocka

Artist | Hobbyist | Other
United States
Hey, how's it going?
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:icondannayy:
Dannayy Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012
welcome back to dA! : P
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:iconnanenna:
Nanenna Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The Captain said I should E-high five you, but something that epic deserves a brofist. Sadly, I can't find a good emote or plz account. So yeah *brofist*
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:iconel-fosk:
El-Fosk Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2011
Do you accept critique for your comic?
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:iconfrustratedrocka:
FrustratedRocka Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
Absolutely! Fire away, just try to keep it constructive. I've already had someone tell me "I think you should die" due to the content of the first page, so anything other than that would be nice.
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:iconel-fosk:
El-Fosk Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2011
Alrighty then.

The premise is flawed. Acts of terrorism are committed by fringe groups, as opposed to a singular pilot. Even in the case of one pilot snapping and trying to crash the plane, there would be a co-pilot that would stop him.

There is no build-up to any of this. If it really was the pilot who did it, how did he get hired by one of the most hi-security industries in transportation? They typically should do background checks on these people.

Secondly, the suspension of disbelief is completely shattered when the coverage shows congress approving the 28th amendment: an amendment that effectively nullifies the constitution; the same constitution that the 28th amendment is a part of.

If the president wanted to limit our freedoms, he would either nullify the Bill of Rights, use an executive order or support a federal law. An amendment designed to nullify the constitution is essentially recursive bullshit that no state representative would pass.

And then the prologue ends with a guy named Seth stabbing "partisans" for reasons unknown. Skip 17 years later and some "cold mercenary" type is stalking Ryan Davidson, your assumed main character.

The dialogue is very stilted and forced. Why would the driver call the the mercenary by his first name? Nobody makes that mistake on a mission, especially if they were (and I'm making an assumption here) secret government "Grab team" agents.

So they pursue Mr. Davidson and the man with the earpiece suddenly gets a call from mister FBI Homeland Security head honcho asking if they have acquired the target yet. Marcus asks for permission even though they were already assigned. He asks he if Marcus "understands the full magnitude of [his] responsibility" as if the veteran operative was still in grade school. This, by the way, is seconds before they approach the target.

Then the scene shifts to a couple of guys discussing whether a guy was taken by the grab team. The hipster with the goatie is being insulted by the guy on the phone even though there's no build-up as to why and feels unprofessional for an information exchange. Also, the speech balloons are only barely distinguishable from each other.

These two characters are dropped for a very confusing first person segue into unconsciousness. Davidson then wakes up with a buttload of cuts to the back despite the fact that Marcus had a gun in the last panel that we saw him.

Finally, it ends with a bunch of unlikable 20-somethings spewing cliches at each other and mention that they let this very dangerous looking stranger into their headquarters. All of this with the implication that it's a month later despite the passing of 17 years being explicitly mentioned. What's another month?

Though this took me and my roommate a minute to read, it took us an hour and a half to figure out the plot. What we think happened is that Davidson was taken by the grab team, tortured for a month and stumbled over to the resistance that he was possibly selling weapons to.

If this isn't the plot, then we give up. You shouldn't force the reader to try and make heads or tales of what's going on.

And on top of all of this, the art ranges from mediocre to atrocious. There is no consistency in the anatomy, and perspective is very questionable. On page 8 for example, the woman's arms look atrophied in one panel, and the necks and facial features of the characters are never quite the same. There also is very little use of values, making each figure look flat.

On the plus side, the paneling is competent and the coloring is vibrant.
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:iconfrustratedrocka:
FrustratedRocka Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
That is pretty much exactly the plot, actually. I'm fully willing to agree that the art is horrible - this comic is quite literally the first thing I have ever drawn outside of grade school art classes, so I've got quite a lot of improving to do. Also, please bear in mind that I hadn't really meant to start promoting the comic until I had around 35 pages up, and that what you're seeing is a very incomplete picture.

Re: specifics: The intent behind showing the judge murdered in panel 5 of the second page was to imply at least some level of coercion involved in the ratification. I know that an amendment to nullify the constitution is recursive bullshit and a terrible, terrible idea. That's actually a mistake that I'm going to fix right now - the current revision of the script actually does have the Bill of Rights instead of the entire Constitution being revoked, and I must have accidentally been lettering from an older version. Thanks for catching that.

Marcus and Gus are CIA, something that will be clarified in roughly 5 weeks. Gus is supposed to be a rookie, which I should have made clearer.

There is a plot relevant reason why the voice over the phone would ask that, which I'm not at liberty to divulge.

Bill insulting Jason, in those exact words, in response to the request for verification IS the verification, but the conversation was supposed to be somewhat cryptic and I'm fully aware the audience has no way of knowing that.

Finally, Bill is supposed to be in his mid-30's, so any tips on aging him up slightly would be appreciated.

Thanks for the read. I appreciate the time you took to write out the response, and am going to work on fixing a few of the things you brought up in the future. Thanks again for bringing my attention to the mistake on page 2. I'd appreciate it if you gave me a few weeks to expand the story and flesh out the characters a bit more, but if you think it's bad enough that you can't stand to read even one more page of it, that's fine too.
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